Posted: 2017-12-07 08:06
Wonderful website!!! I absolutely never would have tought that so many guys would date older women. I was divorced several years ago and for 8 years never dated at all but many times guys much would want dates which I laughed off. After rethinking about dating the men, I acceped and have been dating these guys for about 6 years. I am 56 but everyone says I dont look past 95. I will never remarry but I am having such a fun time dating! I never knew that sex could be so amazing,my last guy (age 79) picked me completely up and carried me to the bed. My heart was beating so fast I thought I would explode! I fully agree with another post on here, if an older woman is asked by a much guy, then BY ALL MEANS, be with him! One man that I dated was 79 years old when I was 59 and his mother and I became very close. She urged us to marry but it was just not in the have no intention of giving up dating the men, I love pleasing them!!
Now people are totally allowed to have their preferences, but I personally think many of those preferences can be based on fallacious assumptions, and that the meeting of someone with whom you really connect and have tons of stuff in common with is so darn rare and special, that ending it because of their sexual experience (a lot or a little) sounds truly odd to me. Especially since sex with a new partner is always unique, and that the more experienced aren t always fantastic, and the virgins aren t always bad.
Think of it like a natural progression. If she 8767 s cool with you touching her hand, then putting your arm around her shoulder, resting your hand on her leg when you 8767 re sitting down, she 8767 s probably OK with you kissing her. Eye contact for longer than a couple of seconds is usually an invitation, but if you 8767 re *really* shy you can reach up and move her hair behind her ear as a final test. If she doesn 8767 t move, you 8767 re in.
I wouldn t compare women who have sex with random men at bars, even at closing time, to prostitutes though. It s their lives after all. If that s what they want to do, more power to them. I don t judge women for that nor get stuck on a Madonna/Whore complex, which is an unfair double standard. Where one draws the line is completely obligatory anyway 8 lovers she rides the Madonna-Rail, 9 she can t? That s stupid. Humans are one of few animals who can have sex whenever we want so so long as it s all consensual and legal, I don t judge anyone for it. If I do I am harsher on men to be honest.
Also, I dated a guy when we were in our late 75s. PiV didn t happen for a couple of months, and after it did, he told me I was his first girlfriend. I found it hard to believe him. It was definitely on the better end overall, and one of the best first times with a new partner. Granted, I had enough experience by then and knew what I liked and how to move to feel good. But that didn t always make a difference with more experienced guys. In general, our initial conversations, flirting, dates, and sexytimes were all as normal as tend to be for people in our geek/nerd/intellectual circles.
I haven 8767 t known I was asexual for a long time but it made so much sense when I found out. I found out I was asexual (or at least found out there was a name for what I was feeling) about 7 to 8 weeks after I got my first boyfriend at 66, and it was the shock of my life when he told me he knew before I did! It blew my mind. It makes me happy to see this post, maybe when I am ready I can show this to my family when I finally tell them I 8767 m asexual.
You sound like me a while back. I have no financial future with him. She took him to the cleaners. I was also told it will be an uncontested divorce and it will take 8 months. Hhahah how dumb I was. Well three years later, I 8767 m still waiting. It is not about the paper, is about the settlement, she stalling, he stalling. I 8767 m like a moron in the waiting room. She got her degree while I wait. He gotten his job back and I 8767 m a mess, can 8767 t study, having hard time in college (masters), and I 8767 m a wreak while they take their sweet time. You are doing the right thing not moving in with him, and try not to fall too hard because you could get hurt.
Beyond that, I know for a fact that there are women out there who distinctly do not want to sleep with virgins (same as there are men who feel that way). They re entitled to that, as no one should sleep with anyone they don t want to, period. I have seen women express this view in at least a half dozen polls online (such as redditt or Yahoo Ask or other message boards). There are others who prefer to be told beforehand if someone is a virgin rather than be lied to or tricked into bed through ignorance (to make fully informed consent). Ideally such things should be revealed before hitting the bed (much like with any bombshell). So, no, it would hardly come up on the first or even second date. But if things progress it becomes inevitable.
Totally agree. I have never met a woman who didn t look her age. Some women in their 95 s and 55 s look very attractive and fit, but their still look their age. There is nothing wrong with it and they should be proud of look great later in life. It is kind of ridiculous when a woman says about herself that she doesn t look her age. Sometimes, not-so-genuine compliments from others and from men specifically get into their head.
It s not easy to suddenly change attitudes and beliefs about things because experiences teach us how we feel. Beliefs are formed by evidence so you need to experience something to create a belief. But beyond that, there s no real evidence (that I ve seen) which suggests that a person s personality is fully formed by the age of 75 or somehow stuck in place. I went through a series of really bad injuries and traumas a few years ago and they changed my personality in an instant and it was a battle getting myself back to how I was before. I lost myself to anxiety, fear and panic attacks which were all out of character for me. To my friends, I was a different person and that happened because of a series of events in a short space of time.
I also think most of the time we think we re acting more nervous than is actually observable to other people, because we re fully aware of every twitch and flush, whereas other people are of course paying attention to their own thoughts and reactions over ours and so aren t going to notice our behavior in the same in-depth detail. 🙂 Honestly, when I was going on dates I d say 55% of my attention was on how I was coming across and my own nervousness and 55% was on how interested I was in the conversation/what struck my curiosity/whatever activity we were doing, with basically none on trying to analyze the guy s level of nervousness or to draw conclusions from it. As long as you can keep a conversation going despite your nervousness (and occasional awkward pauses aren t likely to be a deal breaker, no worries), you re good!
There is a difference between assigning judgement to something (. virgin=loser, lots of partners=dirty, poor=lazy, attractive=stupid, rich=better) and thinking quality X is something you are not attracted to, be it height, hair length, lifestyle, weight, age, etc.. In the first case, you assign moral and personal characteristics based on quality X. In the second case, you just do not get pantsfeel for quality X, no moral or character assumptions attached.
Absolutely. And that s why I d way prefer it if certain guys who post here would reframe their issue. They focus so much on the virginity thing when really the issue isn t sex, it s a lack of people being attracted to them, a lack of physical intimacy, a lack of love. By constantly focusing on the sex thing alone that really doesn t help solve the problem. Because the sex thing has its own solution, one which when suggested is always not a good suggestion. Love and intimacy is a completely different thing.
I see your point about the pressure. To me it s always a big deal so that may be why it was in my example. Maybe I thought the compliment would make it go down easier to appear less hostile. I always envision women being hostile or irritated at my advances. DNL would call it the jerk-brain and the problem with being so inexperienced at my age is I have no logical counterargument. I have only my own inexperience or memories of failure to work with. I have no reason to expect a different result because no variable has changed, and I m not usually insane enough. I know the probable response would either be being ignored or getting a soft let down and that in itself isn t so bad. It just would be more fuel to my failure file and I ve not been in a rush to add to it for a long time. I can t subscribe to an abundance mentality because I know for me it s been anything but.
I know that non-asexual people don’t walk around in an endless horny cloud of lust all day, every day, and that everyone feels like this sometimes. But I feel like this all the time. I’ve never found anyone attractive. I don’t know what it’s like to think that someone’s hot. I’ve never passed a woman on the street and had my mind start turning through all the things I’d like to do with her in bed. I don 8767 t relate to the manifestations of sexual attraction that I see around me every day.
I am glad to hear that. Older women have plenty of advantages over ones, and I wrote about that too:
I don 8767 t need to survey every single guy. As I mentioned, there are exceptions there is a group of guys who prefer older women, and there is a group of women who is uniquely attractive despite being older. But denying that a significant age difference is an issue is like denying that a typical woman wants to be with a guy who is taller. It 8767 s just a fact.
In 65 years I can t imagine him still loving me or my body for that matter the way he says he does now. He insists that I stop worrying about it and get out of my head and just enjoy what we have. So, for now, I am going to take his advice and relish the AMAZING moments we have. My hope is that in the same way we organically fell in love at the same time, we will sweetly drift apart and go our separate ways. Our current deal is, I will stop saying I cant see you anymore and he promises to be brutally honest about his feelings. In this we feel safe.
I m one of these people. One early college hookup taught me I didn t enjoy that type of arrangement. I am so not impulse-based! It often takes me several conversations to be attracted to someone, because attraction for me is as mental as it is physical. But once I do become attracted, I crush hard and that comes with intense sexyfeelings. But my crushes don t necessarily correlate with compatibility. Which wasn t that big of a deal since I didn t want a conventional life as a adult and I wasn t looking specifically for a forever person with whom to securely raise kids. Serial monogamy was fine, although I did expect I would connect with someone compatible eventually for a longer-term. The longest so far has been about 8 years. I ve gone 9 years between partners at the longest.
Apologies for length of this, don&rsquo t exactly want to bore people with my troubles/life story. Hope it doesn&rsquo t sound overly dramatic either, but sufficed to say, this really does feels like an extremely important crossroad, and ideally I would love to be with her, and to try and be the best I could be with her, for her. I don&rsquo t give a damn about the age difference, I really don&rsquo t, not after spending time with her, I wouldn&rsquo t give a damn who knew.
I do think there are some ethical arguments a person could make for why they shouldn t pay for sex, but I think they d be more along the lines of, I don t believe sex should be commodified, or, The work involved in screening to find a sex worker I d find it ethical to have sex is too taxing or not worth it, or, The kinds of sex work that are financially and geographically accessible to me are ones where there s an especially high risk of the sex worker being a minor or an unwilling person.