Posted: 2017-12-07 17:58
First of all that s not true. I didn t realise either of those two men were players until I got to know them better, but from the beginning I thought there was something very appealing about both. And honestly I had no idea how either of these guys were in bed. I now know about my boyfriend, but here s the thing, I imagine you are a little and so have a very specific social circle, but it wasn t the same with me and these guys. The women they got with I didn t know, I didn t talk with them ever. So I had no idea if they were any good or not, and I have never actually cared about how well hung a guy is. Seriously. I m one of those size seriously does not matter AT ALL kind of girls. I m quite frankly more interested in what you can do with your hands. Second of all how does that theory work with the very first woman they attracted? Because at some point that first woman had to be interested, and how exactly was she interested without other women before being interested?
In that case I apologise, I 8767 d forgotten I 8767 d made the comment about OLD as, for whatever reason, it isn 8767 t appearing on my screen. For what its worth I stand by that comment 655%. The sooner online dating is no longer pitched as some great alternative to meeting people the old fashioned face to face way, the better. Fake profiles, people on there simply to feed their ego by getting compliments, zombie profiles, catfish accounts they serve only as an experiment in how to create a socially accepted get rich quick scheme for their creators. At least apps like Tinder are unashamedly honest about their intentions.
I also want to address the (wrong) idea that short women are Just the fact that I am only 5 foot makes people think I am as in 75-85 years And at the same time, they also throw out the idea that I might have had an education, or that I might be working at all. It is condescending as hell, people, if you hear the I do not believe that you are older than 76 EVERY time you go out. Or the I do not believe you are the manager, you are too or you are too to be am 95, and I know my life, my age, and what I want.
I can absolutely imagine that people don t see your virtues if you aren t showing them to others, but I don t know why you don t if you are as confident as you say. The only reason in my opinion that people don t show off their positive qualities is either a) they don t know how, or b) (and usually more likely) they are shy or scared, or as you say indifferent. And quite frankly indifference is not exactly a positive quality.
It s funny how there are an absolute ton of people who are thin or average sized who aren t sporty at all and who love to sit around watching TV or playing video games, yet it s rare for people to have as many objections to dating them as they have to dating fat people. Hell, a lot of people who don t want to date someone fat are TV-watching, video-game-playing, gym-hating sorts themselves.
I think it is probably a good idea to question why we have our preferences to see if it is something that actually plays a part in attraction or if it is something you like because it is what everyone likes and you just picked it up. After the questioning, if it is something you know is a preference that matters to you, then it is what it is, even if it is kind of silly to others (I am looking at you friend who will not date women with curly hair).
I ve seen, on these types of threads, a lot of examples of women posting the harassing/abusive messages they ve received on dating sites, and I ve heard men talk in general about abusive comments/ignorance (quoted because an actual quote, not scare quotes!) received due to being short/fat/unemployed/whatever, but I m having a hard time understanding what the kinds of comments directed at men would look like.
For the men, the best way to describe it is an awareness and physical control, like they are 655% present in their body, a casual physicality when they walk, sit, gesture, etc as if they are not thinking of how they appear. The other thing they all have in common is a history (or present) of doing something physically challenging, be it traditional Vietnamese dance, rock climbing, military, marathons, martial arts, yoga, etc.. I think activities like this help with body confidence and presentation.
Think of the 8775 faking it 8776 part not so much as lying but as being conscious of what your physical behaviors are so that you are communicating what you actually want. It 8767 s actually a well established practice in animal training. Animals are very sensitive to behavior. They 8767 re primary means of communication is body language. If you 8767 re nervous, excited, happy, relaxed, this all translates into how you stand, how you breathe, facial expressions, etc.
Frustrations sometimes do permeate into interactions and that too is part of the human experience. It s not something that can be ditched and shouldn t be unless it s seriously destructive or aggressive. You don t learn in anger management therapy to ignore your emotions. You learn to process them. Which involves feeling them. Accepting and allowing them to exist. We re allowed emotions. We re allowed to feel bad.
I also find the implication most women actually have a list of physical specs in their head any potential romantic partner would have to match slightly insulting but more weird?
It might be because I m bi, but I suspect not but generally what gives me tingles is how that person carries themselves rather than actual appearance.
Sure being hot might help but there s nothing like being insecure to completely negate the effect of being attractive.
YMMV, my idea of a catch and other people s is definitely not going to match 😉
But I met this one guy on the internet and one thing kind of led to another and we decided to book ourselves a fun time in a hotel for a couple of days, shake off the shackles of adult responsibility. He told me up front he was only 5 9 so I wouldn t be surprised because I guess it was a worry he had. With my boots on, it turned out we were eye to eye upon meeting each other.
I m 5 8 and dance swing and ballroom, frequently in heels. I m naturally taller than most of the guys I dance with before shoes and hair and I get hit in the head on turns /all the time/. I ve had leads automatically duck down because they re used to it from leading the (mostly) shorter follows that doesn t work when the follow is several inches taller and then I get it in the face. To be fair, I ve learned to duck myself which can help.
Eh, I sort of disagree. Yes, preferences are preferences, but that doesn 8767 t mean that we as women, shouldn 8767 t be looking at our overall tendency to. Fetishise is the wrong word, requirement maybe? Require a certain height from our partners as a base line. There are certain gendered assumptions in dating that are based on stereotypes and traditional stuff that we as a whole should be challenging because they 8767 re bad for us. Men expecting a partner to be and less experienced than them is one. Women expecting their partner to be taller than them is another. If that is what genuinely turns your crank, that 8767 s not something that can be changed, but if the only reason you 8767 re ruling out a woman older/more experienced than you or a man shorter than you is because society has given you the expectation of That Is Not Who You Should Date then I think some introspection might be in order.
The other common mistake that the height-deficient make is assuming that they 8767 re rejected in advance. This pre-rejection theory quickly becomes either an excuse to not approach (thus guaranteeing that nothing happens) or colors the entire interaction (ditto). Approaching anyone , whether online or in person, with the attitude of 8775 I know you don 8767 t like me 8776 is going to kill any potential attraction, no matter how awesome you may be otherwise. A shitty attitude, whether angry and aggressive or defeated and negative, will nuke any chance of sex or love faster than telling them that you eat live puppies.
SO much of the negativity surrounding height being an issue is internal. Most of it is not coming from women, it s coming from men. It s coming from the patriarchal bullshit that says Man must be bigger/protector. Internalizing that to the point that it comes into every conversation, and that it is the only thing someone thinks about is a choice. Daniel Radcliffe is a sex symbol and he s WELL below average height at 5 5. RDJ is 5 8, Josh Hutcherson is 5 8 , Dave Franco, Jon Stewart, Seth Green, Michael J Fox, Martin Freeman, Elijah Wood, Emile Hirsch, Dominic Monaghan, Niall from 6D, Joe Dempsie from GoT, James McAvoy ALL SHORTER THAN AVERAGE.
Emotions are complex beasts, but the idea that being short is this thing that it is okay to be bitter and angry about is asinine.
I ve never thought of 5 8 as short , especially since 5 seems to be the average US height for men (I m either 5 or 5 65 ). But I guess if the standard for men that s constantly promoted is of men who are over 6 feet tall only about % of men, and % of men 6 7 and taller then that s the distorted standard we get.
IMO, some degree of confidence is usually necessary to show other attractive traits in attractive ways, and many people find confidence itself a very attractive trait but that doesn t mean it s exempt from the usual caveats for traits typically considered attractive (some ways of expressing a trait are more positive than others, people generally need more than one thing to be attractive).
But in truth, I don t want to lead. I just want to think I m worth a damn. Confidence is not my issue, it s self worth. The two are related, no doubt, but I couldn t ignore the voice in my head telling me to stop lying to myself and others. I have good posture, I talk slow and steady, I breath slow, my shoulders are fine. I just really don t think confidence is my issue anymore.
That 8767 s the cold hard truth. Yeah, it kind of sucks. There will be some women who are especially vocal about it, and that can sting too. But you have to ask yourself: why are you going to want to date someone who 8767 s going to assume that your height means you have nothing to offer? It 8767 s a sign that you are incompatible right off the bat. Let 8767 s say that you, a short man of, say, 5 8767 5 8798 , asks someone out and she out-and-out laughs at the idea that you thought you had a shot with her. Yes, that can hurt but come on: she 8767 s just shown you that she 8767 s an asshole. You didn 8767 t get rejected so much as dodged a fucking bullet. Why, in pluperfect hell, are you worried about what an asshole thinks? These women, in may ways, have done you a favor by self-selecting out of your dating pool, leaving you free to find women who you are compatible with.