Posted: 2017-12-07 20:37
I do think it is indeed harder in the dating world for bigger, dark-skinned, Black women as a rule, as culturally, we are simply not the poster and message of what is beautiful and desirable. Yet, I have to say that while I am a dark skinned, thick, Black women and can relate to not being talked to and overlooked because of weight and can point out those times, these experiences for me have been in the minority. I know I am not everyone 8767 s cup of tea, yet I can say honestly that while I may not be everyone 8767 s cup of tea, I am enough people 8767 s cup of tea. I am approached almost always when I go out, I hardly ever go out with my skinny friends and not get approached too, sometimes I go out with them and I 8767 m the only one who is approached. I get asked on dates and I can honestly say that while sometimes I do feel the weight (no pun intended) of society 8767 s have been many more times when I did not.
Just for my work in capital raising, I noted your points on preparing for interviews, in particular your two notebook pages. And the mantra: 8775 don 8767 t be lazy 8776 .
And the GNC trade show story. Brilliant, and the early insights always a privilege.
I love these fan-question episodes, though I always miss the prompt to throw a question in somehow!
Everything you don 8767 t like about him right now will probably be there in marriage and be worse. If you don 8767 t like his long work hours or him canceling plans unless there is a drastic change these behaviors will carry into marriage. Don 8767 t look at it as you can make his life 655 times better, but look at what he is draining currently from your life. Look at how you can fulfill your life with our without him in your life. A healthy marriage is two people coming together in a happy state, not a bandage of unhappy feelings trying to get mended.
In the game, you have not one but two childhood friends, a guy and a girl, who help you hook up with your crush. However, one of the endings involves your male friend revealing his feelings for you by grabbing your penis, in the most awkward "game over" screen ever. And if you end up with your female friend, she also makes a move on you with her penis, as demonstrated in a scene where you become the unwitting middle ingredient in a boner sandwich.
Acknowledging these larger structural issues around the commodification of male desire and the way it affects our dating options and choices as women is difficult, because it can make us feel powerless and/or less-than-feminist. So posts like this make folks uncomfortable, often leading to three kinds of reactionary (and unhelpful) comments. The first will be from those folks who insist that I must really have low self-esteem about my weight and that it must be coming through to the dudes I’m meeting. Um, that would be a Negative. That ain’t it. Even though we all have insecurities, self-confidence is not my major struggle. The only way to live in my body, doing the work I do, is to be confident.
I don 8767 t think that was what he meant. It was nothing complicated, it sounded like he was a man who felt bad because he thinks women can be shallow, too. I can 8767 t speak for all women, but I personally have a wide range in what I 8767 d find attractive in men. I happen to be married to a man who physically is tall and lean, but I find, for example, short and pudgy men just as attractive as well, especially if they are funny, have nice eyes, smile, and a general good personality. Women, though, can be more likely to have the ideal man as being tall, broad shouldered, kind of a V-shaped torso, long legs, sculpted abs, etc. Personally I never cared about that, but it seems this poster feels rejected because he thinks the girls he knows only go for that. But it isn 8767 t really true, just like the fact that women who have a few extra pounds (without being to the point of obese) have a decent pool of men who find them attractive.
I admit that I just started a diet myself, and am trying to ignore the 8766 die 8767 implication in diet trying to do this both for myself and acknowledge that social context of desire you speak of. I think I can (hopefully) do self -care in a way that is fun and self-supporting without making me fantasize that I 8767 m 8766 better 8767 than anyone, or 8766 better 8767 than my old self.
Thank you for this article, for being so open and candid. I have been on various ends of the spectrum from skinny to fat to thick to fat and back to somewhere in between again. Although I have thought about it many times, I 8767 ve realized there are different men attracted to me at various weights. There are the brothers who have commented even AFTER they began to date me that my weight was an issue nothing had changed, no extra pounds gained. I think they just got comfortable and kicked to the curb ultimately. I have just reached a point in my life where a person needs to take me where I am. Not that I won 8767 t improve, or slim down, or be curvier or whatever, but I am a work in progress as we all are.
I am in college and I honestly feel this way! I COMPLETELY AGREE!! I 8767 ve gone to parties, and I 8767 ve been the one who has stood in the corner, with a drink in my hand while my friends turn down the countless number of men trying to dance with them. It 8767 s sad to me that this happens, but I honestly feel that culture says big girls arent desirable. I 8767 ve seen men check me out, but not likely to approach me. Thank you for saying this, is all true!!
In another possible ending, it''s both girls who are run over by the train (after one tries to kill the other), and in another one, it''s you. As if to acknowledge that the bad endings that you get if you play the game wrong are the most popular feature, the 7557 School Days anime adaptation ends with the protagonist decapitated and his girlfriend dead. That''s like doing a Super Mario Bros. cartoon where Mario falls off a cliff and dies horribly, or a Zelda movie that''s just Link being continuously attacked by chickens.
“She is concerned about her weight and personal appearance” is a MASSIVELY DIFFERENT thing than 8775 ie she 8767 s not fat. 8776 One realizes their partner actually loves them when you do and when you dont look like the chick on a magazine cover. When don 8767 t like it when their woman has let herself go if she 8767 s put on weight and is therefore feeling sh*tty about it, and rocks sweats and no makeup all the time. If she 8767 s only confident, herself, active and 8775 beautiful 8776 for herself when she 8767 s skinny then he 8767 s only gonna like her when she 8767 s skinny. If she dresses according to her new size and keeps up her style, her energy and self confidence he 8767 ll like her when she 8767 s heavy too.
75% of BW or either obese or over weight. I 8767 m over 95 and at the 55 lb weight loss mark with about 75 lbs more to go. BM have choices and the more money they make the better choices they have. What American society thinks is so called thick is size 6-67. Even though the average size for American women 69, 5 8767 9, 665lbs. Star Jones saw it a a health Scott, Raven Symone, and Monique lost Atlanta, BM have choices and the more educated they are the more choices they 8767 m in the gym 5 days a every 65 BM in LA Fitness there 8767 s 7 do we still hear sistas scream about their hair and nails getting messed up! Why would a BM with so many options,Hispanics, Asians and white women, end up with a over weight , it 8767 s hard to stay in shape but it 8767 s a health issue. Educated BM want a health woman to marry. Not, someone who just doesn 8767 t care about their health.
I am in good shape because I work out and take care of myself. I do so for myself. I tend to be attracted to women who seem to workout and when I go out I spark up conversations with women who fit what my desires (nurtured or natural I dont know. But I like my choices) are. I however, am not tall, so I am not on the radar of most women over 6ft. For whatever reason, for the most part they choose not to notice me. Considering I FEEL I am bright, charming, confident, and bring things to the table that many men a foot taller do not, should I be on these ladies radars? And if I am not what does it say about them? If I am pissed about them not noticing me are they the problem or should I so a self-reevaluation?
So is the moral of this story (and even moreso the comments), is that men basically SUCK?! However, to the folks who suggest that the author should date geeks/antisocial men/women, etc, she should be with who makes her happy and who speaks to her heart. Not that that person has to be an Idris Elba clone, but she shouldn 8767 t settle for whomever is giving her attention either, if she 8767 s not feeling him.
You also have your more reserved engineer that are more career focused so getting them to do things out of work can be hard especially if they are on a deadline, so don 8767 t take it personally when they work 85 hours a week or even come home to work some more. They love what they do, and it will always come first. With these types, best to have your own hobbies and interest cause if you don 8767 t and always try to 8775 nag 8776 for their attention it will just push them further away. Even though it seems you will hardly see them, they do make up for it when you are together.
I don 8767 t think everybody 8767 s 8766 worthy of flirtation, 8767 necessarily. I have a problem with society 8767 s perceived need to knock you down a peg or two when they feel like you aren 8767 t showing the requisite pitifulness for your 8766 condition, 8767 whatever it is. I know personally, I 8767 ve never fit the norm, but I 8767 ve found that it wasn 8767 t when I was hanging back that I had issues. But when I 8767 m working the room, that 8767 s when it gets testy.
At the same time there are similarities. It doesn’t matter which engineering segment they work in my experience most all engineers like sci-fi, video games, history, and the color blue. It doesn’t matter what kind of blue from the color blue of electrostatic mats in engineering labs to blue shirts, to them there is a comfort in the color blue. Also, most engineers are in some fashion color blind and blue is the most dominate color. It is a bonus to an engineer if you love sci-fi and get sci-fi humor. As well all engineers are open to clothing suggestions but don’t push them out of their comfort zone or it could back fires.
So many women let themselves go, and I understand why. As you get older, it is wicked hard to keep weight off. I struggle with it always. I 8767 m 75 pounds over the highest weight that I feel fit at right now, and it has taken a toll on my dating life. I hate it when men ignore me, and I don 8767 t have as much energy as when I 8767 m slimmer. I think it is healthier to recognize the problem and try to improve, than to make excuses. Admit it naysayers. You don 8767 t need some kind of cultural brainwashing to know that Halle Berry is OBJECTIVELY more attractive than that Precious chick.
Sounds like you are ready for a new level of embodiment—and it seems to me you won 8767 t let this process interfere with your core ideals, either. I can hear that you 8767 re not trying to 8775 change for a man, 8776 so whatever you choose to do to 8775 slim your waistline, 8776 just be mindful that you act from your heart, for your heart, and with the intention of filling more parts of your life with love.
So true. I 8767 m guilty of that myself and it 8767 s really terrible. Weight, attraction and the way society perceives me has honestly been a struggle all/most of my life, as a queer woman who has always been fat until recently. I consider myself a feminist yet I recognize past mysgonist behavior and I 8767 m sure I still unknowingly display some to this day. How could I complain people weren 8767 t attracted to me when I was fat when I wasn 8767 t attracted to fat people? Wtf? People are damn weird. I want to be a 8775 real 8776 woman-loving woman and be an ally to myself and other women, but I feel like I have to undo a lot of brain washing. But I 8767 m a woman. Whassup with that?